watching your life crash
the waves towards the shore
going through the motions
a diminishing lust to live
a world full of shadows
a wound that never heals
i resigned a long time ago
i resigned from the weak
i resigned for the freedom
only to realise thy suffering would not flee
to and fro that garden have i walked
never far did i stray the olive tree
oh the noose that is hanging
is the home where i dream
thy fere oft i have known thee
hither
let us share in thine holy agony
carry me out to sea and we’ll float amongst the crashing waves
wash away our sins and wave goodbye to all our friends
take me out to see and we’ll bask in the golden sun
expose all our secrets and blind ourselves once more
show me your hands of creation and we’ll carve worlds that do not yet exist
and there
we’ll find spring in the winters and lay in beds of reeds
we’ll paint all our reveries and comfort our miseries
we’ll read plath and indulge in virginia
we’ll toast our drinks to the foolish pursuits
i daydream on thoughts of you, of us, sitting together on a park bench in the sun laughing, talking, and we’re happy. we’re happy and we still smile.
you see, you’re the first person i’ve ever trusted. you’re the first to make me feel something good and real. something completely nourishing. without you in my life i would have struggled to make it past those years, so much so, that i’ve now immortalised you as a saint.
i forget all the little things that made our time together.
i forget i don’t belong anymore. that i can’t exist.
i forget that you’ve moved on.
i find myself, on some days aimless and lost in the nostalgia you bring.
all the fights, all the embraces, all the memories we’ve built.
there was that garden and we cared for it so well.
then you left. you left and i let it die.
i couldn’t stand to enter the yard, to enter the back of my mind, when you weren’t there anymore.
flashing lights, emergency stop. i hit the steering wheel and broke down.
i lost track of all those nights and the days became ambiguous.
i’d wake up, but you would never come back.
i took hold of her hand and guided it towards my breast and slowly pulled down the straps of her singlet as if to unwrap her and savour every moment. she did the same to mine and we remained on the bed, feeling each others’ beauty, now exposed. our lips only met once. our trembling hands and hearts met. we reached down further until we felt the soft, warm welcoming.
